I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
