farters have to be the big spoon...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
