So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
