It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
