i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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