you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
