Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
