just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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