If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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