i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
