I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
