i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
