I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
