My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
