You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
