just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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