I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize