The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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