This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
