Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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