my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
