girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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