My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
