I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
