Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
