My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
