no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
