Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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