"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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