well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
