paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
