Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
