I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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