i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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