I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
