I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize