I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
