The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
