PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
