I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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