Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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