so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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