I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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