so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
