I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
