oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
