you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
