I hate all girls vehemently.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
