Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.

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(630): View more from Illinois

It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin

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(941): View more from Florida

Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

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(210): View more from Texas

Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall

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(206): View more from Washington

a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.

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(406): View more from Montana

I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.

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(706): View more from Georgia

New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.

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(949): View more from California

I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs

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