just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
