Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
