Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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