Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
