She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
