but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
