even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
