I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
