Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
