You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
