Sry I called you an 8
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize