Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize