There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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