Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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