We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
