just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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