I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
