grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
