i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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