Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
