He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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