someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
