a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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