Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
