I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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