I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
