Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
