Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
