I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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