I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
