You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
