I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
