Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
