remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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