If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
