I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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