I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
