**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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