You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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