My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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