apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
