Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize