3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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