Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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