Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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