I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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