Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
