i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
