the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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