all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
