Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
