im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
